Crying over spilled milk…

Whoever coined the term “theres no use crying over spilled milk” was clearly not a new mom struggling with nursing. After about an hour of pumping and somehow managing to fill two bottles I unscrew my shields and set the bottles on the counter. Somewhere in the chaotic mess that is pumping, the tubes coiled up and I managed to knock both bottles over onto my vanity. As I watch my six ounces of liquid gold spread across the counter I can’t help but scream (insert profanities here) at the top of my lungs. Standing there looking in the mirror and feeling so frustrated I start crying. I make my usual walk to the fridge where I would normally put my freshly pumped bottles neatly in a row and instead grab the bottle of white wine thats been calling my name for the last few days. Don’t Judge! I pour a glass and make my way to the bathroom to drown my sorrows in rosé and lavender bubbles. I start texting my mom, which is what I do when I have fun mom stories of my own to share with her. I ask “is this what motherhood feels like? Constant defeat?” Her response… “Pretty much baby!”

This got me thinking… While I’m still new here and have only been a mom for a few short weeks, this shit is overwhelming! As a woman we already feel insane amounts of pressure to keep up with our daily tasks of running a household and maintaining our outward appearance. But throw a baby into the mix and thats a game changer!

We all have this preconceived notion of what motherhood looks like in our head. In my head I pictured myself nursing my daughter to sleep in her pretty pink room in a fancy pottery barn rocking chair with lavender essential oils burning and lullabies playing in the background. Wrong. Wanna know how many times I’ve been in my daughters room with her since she was born? Maybe three or four times to admire all the cute newborn clothes that still don’t fit her tiny body. Instead her rocking chair is setup in a corner of our bedroom so we don’t have to hike it up a flight of stairs, theres no oils burning and the only form of lullabies playing are the sounds of baby farts and my husband repeating “go to sleep, go to sleep” over and over in his ‘I’m about to have a meltdown if you don’t go to sleep’ voice. This is called survival. You do whatever it takes to get through the day without loosing your cool. And if you do loose your cool thats what wine and group texts are for. No one gets it better than another mom with small children.

This is what parenting looks like people! Not the pretty Instagram pictures of smiling babies and a Valencia filter. Sure those happen too but parenting looks like naps on the couch at 2pm with your newborn sprawled out on your chest, the house is a train wreck, you smell like sour milk and all you wanna do is brush your teeth today and try not to kill your spouse. Its easy to compare yourself to other mommies who look like they have it all figured out, but they don’t. Or at least I secretly hope they don’t. Because if I can make it out of the door before noon and have the house somewhat presentable and my mascara on I feel like I’m really #winning at life!

But even when you’re crying and thinking ‘how am I going to do this everyday for the rest of my life?’ Somehow its all worth it when you see those big blue eyes staring up at you from her bottle and your heart explodes with love. So you set your alarm for 1am hook yourself back up to the pump and start over and wait for tomorrows form of defeat. Because it’ll happen! But you learn to cope a little better and hopefully gain peace of mind knowing that maybe you didn’t get to shower today but your baby is happy and healthy so you’re doing something right!

And at the end of the day maybe there really is no use in crying over spilled milk… If it came from a grocery store.